And It Never Will Be...

In the last few years, I cleaned up my diet by becoming almost 100% pescetarian (someone who’s mostly vegetarian, but eats fish) and removing or drastically reducing the consumption of “usual suspects” such as gluten, sugars, dairy, etc. Although I feel healthier and more energetic due to these changes, I have to say that occasionally I sorely miss some of the foods I chose to give up.
 
I recently went through a 7-day cleanse using bentonite clay (check it out, it’s a natural and very effective way to detox your body from heavy metals and other impurities). One day during this cleanse (and maybe because of it), I felt a dire need to consume heavier animal protein and fat. When we ordered Chinese food the next day, I decided to break my pescetarian diet and have roasted duck, something I hadn’t done in 15 years. And I have to admit that I delighted myself in it…
 
After the meal (or rather, even during it), I felt a lot of guilt and shame, as a good (recovering) Catholic. I had a talk with my husband about it, during which I commented on the fact that I had all these high aspirations for myself in relation to my health, as well as caring for animal suffering and the environment; however, still I couldn’t keep myself from craving and enjoying a guilty pleasure such as this. I also I admired the fact that he was so steadfast in his own habits and decisions (he’s a no-exception pescaterian who doesn’t seem to ever have any trouble following through).
 
He answered simply: “It’s not perfect. Allow yourself this truth.” He mentioned that sometimes he feels uncomfortable with the idea of eating fish and thinks about becoming a full vegetarian (which we already do several days per week). And sometimes he thoroughly enjoys it and doesn’t feel as willing to give that up. It’s not perfect.
 
Somewhere along the road, a lot of us pick up this damaging belief that we have to be perfect and consistent, or else; that once we make a decision about something, we should stick to it; and if we slip, that means we’ve failed. We’re then losers who should be ashamed of ourselves and deserve punishment, which often comes in the form of behaviors that are even more self-destructive (and also destructive to others), and inevitably leads to giving up or feeling paralyzed in relation to pursuing our goals.
 
We know when we need to challenge ourselves and step out of our comfort zone. And sure, we do need to cultivate strong discipline, motivation and persistence, especially when addressing soft and hard addictions (food, TV, Internet, drugs, alcohol, etc) or dealing with procrastination, so that we can continue moving forward towards our goals and dreams. On the other hand, we also need to learn acceptance of the fact that slipping and making mistakes is part of the process, and that failure paves the road to success. We need to learn how to fail epically and still keep going.
 
Failing is especially good for business. As a matter of fact, the current trend is to fail fast to get that part of the process out of the way and fail mindfully to acquire the necessary knowledge and successfully apply the lessons (please check out some of the awesome videos from The Failure Institute; link under References). Also, sharing our struggles is one of the most effective ways to connect with and engage our audience.
 
Learning how to make mistakes and fail with humility, without beating ourselves up, is one of the most courageous and self-loving choices we can make in life. And life can be much better if we stop constantly listening to our inner critic and being so hard on ourselves and others. Life has enough challenges already, without us having to make it any harder… In short: It would behoove us to just lighten the “freak” up a little.
 
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 11/21/2020
theragicenter.com

Photo by isabella and louisa fischer from unsplash

References:
The Failure Institute - Videos
https://www.thefailureinstitute.com/videos/
 
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Message from the TriH - Healers Healing Healers online group meeting (11.14.20):
The Answer: Random Acts of Kindness
https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=3467997656617012&set=gm.757482941471078

Does Making Lists Really Help?
If you’re like me, you make lots of lists. In your head, on your computer, your phone, your planner, etc. Or on a bunch of post-it notes that you paste everywhere on your desk and around the house, as I do. Lists of what needs to be done; what should be done; what you’d like to see happen. Some are simple lists, such as what you need from the grocers; others include more important things, such as your life goals or the qualities you want in a new partner or job. There are daily lists, weekly lists, monthly lists, yearly list; short, mid and long term goal lists. The New Year holiday is traditionally a big one for making lists of all the resolutions you plan to commit to during that year.
 
It’s fun to make lists. It kind of gives us this great big sense of satisfaction, and the feeling that we’re actually accomplishing something just by writing down what we intend to accomplish. For a perfectionist like myself, it can also be pleasing to organize lists according to priority, categorize and sub-categorize it, color-coordinate it. For the control-freak in me, it creates the illusion that I can actually run my life with lists.
 
Making lists does give us the power to organize things and get them out of our head. As a matter of fact, for those of us who tend to have sleep trouble, it’s often recommended that we make a list of things we need to do before we go to bed, so that we won’t stress ourselves by running the list in our head as we try to fall asleep.
 
So what’s the problem with lists? Absolutely nothing, as long as we really manage to get the important stuff done. However, if you are like me, you probably tend to focus more on making the list and checking off the quick and easy items (which often qualify as busy-work) than going for the big, life-changing items. And we know which those are. We always know which those are.
 
As a matter of fact, have you ever noticed how these big-ticket items sometimes don’t even make it to a list? When you feel fed-up enough with the status quo and are ready for a change that you know will make your life better, you often just get started. You think about it, make a decision and take the first step. If you decide, however, to write that big-ticket item down on your list, that’s when it might end up by not getting done; at least, not any time soon. Certainly not until the next New Year’s resolutions list, when you might decide to include it in your list again. That’s why many of us often reach another New Year with the feeling that we didn’t really accomplish much of what we set off to do during that year, even though we kept busy and checked off many items from many lists. But the big resolutions, the ones that really have the potential to change our lives, were often left unchecked.
 
Why does that happen? Because checking off the big items can feel very uncomfortable; it takes a lot of commitment and dedication, and can cause havoc in our lives, make us feel out of control, lead to a difficult transition phase, etc. So we prefer to choose the comfortable and familiar, even when that’s not making us happy; even when life could be so much better if we just took those important, life-changing steps.
 
But you don’t have to wait until you reach your saturation point. If you do have important items on your list, here’s my advice: Read your list once. Check it twice. Then ask yourself which items on the list feel like the biggest challenges and make you the most uncomfortable. Chances are, they are the ones you’ve been procrastinating around, and they are exactly the ones you need to pick first… and actually start working on.
 
So what are you going to leave unchecked this year? Or is this the year when you just do it?
 
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 10/27/20
theragicenter.com

Photo by Alexas Fotos from Pixabay

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Which Wins More Often?
 
Fear can be all-consuming. As I sat at my desk, trying to come up with a theme for my end-of-the-month blog article (having left this task to the last minute, no less), I realized that I was having trouble thinking due to fear.
 
Dorian, a Category 4 hurricane, was originally expected to hit land by this Sunday evening and come straight for us (thankfully, now it seems that it won’t touch land, after all). And that brought up all kinds of fear. Fear of losing power (and staying without power for a week or more in the heat and humidity of the Florida Summer, as it happened when Irma hit us a couple of years ago). Fear of our old roof sinking in or being blown away. Fear of bodily harm. Fear of something happening to our loved ones. Fear of the TNR cats around our home being harmed or killed. Fear of the large oak trees in our front yard falling on top of our house or car. Fear of hearing about the aftermath of the hurricane, which always includes deaths and massive destruction. Fear of not finding basic necessities, including drinking water. And so on.
 
With fear, many physical and emotional sensations follow, such as shortness of breath and a constricted sensation on the chest; cold hands and feet; brain fog… Feeling tired and drained without knowing exactly why… Uneasiness, tension, irritability… Helplessness, hopelessness… And so forth.
 
Once triggered, fear breaks down into other fears: being in the wrong place at the wrong time; not being or doing enough; not being in control; feeling lost and confused, not knowing the way; making mistakes; losing those we love, including our animal companions; becoming irrelevant and disposable…
 
Then it expands into more-encompassing fears: going through the next economic crash, which is sure to come; not having enough to survive; the next mass shooting; the current trend of self-serving, narcissistic leaders everywhere in the world; hearing more horrible news about neglect, harm and suffering being inflicted on people, animals and other living beings, the planet; polluted earth, air, water; our self-destructiveness as a race; the end of the world as we know it…
 
Many years ago, I wrote a poem about the pervading presence of fear:
 
FEAR
Fear of being seen, fear of getting involved, fear
Of the consequences, fear of the causes, fear of feeling too much,
Fear of not feeling at all, fear of letting it out, fear of keeping it in,
Fear of getting to know, fear of being in the dark, fear
Of the pain, fear of the joy, fear of life, fear of death, fear of myself,
Fear of you, fear of us together,
Then apart,
Transcendental,
Overwhelming, incapacitating, powerful, raw, fear.
 
©2000 Gisele Marasca
 
How do we deal with fear? According to Elisabeth Kubler Ross: “There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It's true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it's more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They're opposites. If we're in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we're in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
 
I believe that one of the most powerful ways to live love and let go of fear is through gratitude. So I wrote the poem below around the same time I wrote Fear:
 
THANK YOU
Thank you for the uncertainty
which makes me search for answers;
For the ignorance
which compels me to learn;
Thank you for the struggles
which make me grow;
For the sorrow which gives me depth;
Thank you for the doubts and indecisions
which cause me to think, choose and take action;
For the courage which drives me to take risks;
Thank you for glimpses of beauty
when ugliness surrounds me;
For light in the darkness;
For air, for earth, for water;
For trust, for beliefs, for faith;
For the friends I can be myself with;
For everything corny, mushy and over the top;
For love! Thank you for the love in me
and for the love around me;
Thank you for first times and second chances;
Thank you for fleeting moments and long pauses;
Thank you for smiles and laughs and music;
For hopes and dreams,
For inspiration,
For passion,
For ecstasy,
For life!
Thank you for me.
 
©2000 Gisele Marasca
 
As I reminded myself of how to balance fear with love, I started listing many of the things I have to be grateful for (including the fact that Dorian isn’t going to touch land anymore, and that I live in a safe and sturdy home inland). I also reminded myself of all the help and support we had from friends and family after Hurricane Irma, such as ice bags, a loaned generator for the fridge and a couple of fans, invitations to work and have meals at their homes, etc (we were also invited by several people to stay over, but we had to stay home to care for our 12 pets and rescues). And life started coming into perspective again…
 
FINAL THOUGHT: Every single moment of our lives, we are given the choice between love and fear. Which one are we choosing most often?
 
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 08/31/2019
theragicenter.com

Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash

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giscreations.com

Shifting Your Perspective From Pain
 
I’ve been dealing with sciatica pain on and off (mostly on) for many years now. For the last 3 months I’ve been negotiating a peace treaty with the latest sciatica crisis, but this one is very entrenched and doesn’t seem to be quite ready or willing to vacate its occupied territories (pretty much the right side of my body, from the mid-back down to the foot, with a strong hold around the hip, thigh and knee areas). As anyone who’s familiar with sciatica knows, there’s considerable pain involved in such a crisis. To aggravate things, the pain gets much worse when you sit (which I have to do most of the day, due to the nature of my work) and lie down (which often means very poor nights of sleep). After trying the usual strategies for several weeks (massages, chiropractic sessions, back stretches for sciatica, slow walking, heating pad, pillow under the knees, special seat cushions and back support, etc, as well as some pain medication), my level of exasperation grew to the point that all I could focus on was the pain; especially when lying in bed at night, trying to sleep through it.
 
As I’ve been practicing Sadhguru’s Inner Engineering mediation techniques twice a day, and also reading his book, A Yogi’s Guide to Joy (under References), it finally dawned on me that maybe I needed to approach this issue in a different way. In other words, what about paying attention to all those texts I’ve read, videos and webinars I’ve been watched, deep conversations I’ve had, etc, about not identifying so much with the mind-body (or the pain-body, as Eckhart Tolle very appropriately calls it)?
 
Coincidentally, as I was thinking about this, I caught a post by K.C. Miller, founder of SWIHA - Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, in her A Course In Miracles study group on Facebook (link below). The title of the post was “I Choose the Joy of the Divine Over Pain - Lesson #210,” which served as a strong confirmation of my recent line of thought.
 
So I decided to give it a try. That evening, when dealing with the usual pain and discomfort at bed time, I said to myself several times: “I choose joy!.” I really put my heart into it. And something amazing happened: the pain became less intense; or rather, my feeling of the pain decreased. For the first time in weeks, I fell asleep fairly quickly and had a good night of sleep. I repeated the experiment for the next two nights; same result. And since I was able to rest better, physical healing started taking place; so I’ve had less pain during the last three days, too. In addition, repeating the “I choose joy” affirmation to myself had the effect of self-hypnosis; I actually felt more joyful as I quietly fell asleep, and I’m sure that helped increase the serotonin levels in my brain, which in turn helped with the pain.
 
As I related my experience to my wise husband (an experienced Vipassana meditator), he suggested that I should try the same exercise throughout the day, and in relation to every challenge that life throws my way. So that’s what I’ve been trying to do. So simple, right? “I choose joy.” Yes, it’s easier said than done, but it’s definitely been worth the effort…
 
FINAL THOUGHT: “Our lives include both pain and suffering. Pain is physical discomfort, while suffering is the story around pain. The Buddha said, ‘When touched by a feeling of pain, the ordinary uninstructed person sorrows, grieves, and laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical and mental, just as if he was shot with an arrow and, right afterward, was shot with another one, so that he felt the pain of two arrows (Being With Dying, Joan Halifax).’ “
 
Ironically, the harder pain is often the one caused by the mind (the second arrow)... Just remember, however: we can always choose joy!
 
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 07/31/2019
theragicenter.com

Image by kalhh from Pixabay
 
References:
Inner Engineering: A Yogi’s Guide to Joy, by Sadhguru
 
Being With Dying, by Joan Halifax
 
I Choose The Joy Of The Divine Over Pain - Lesson # 210 (A Course In Miracles study group hosted by K.C. Miller/SWIHA - A Conscius Community)
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