A Beautiful Example
Jon Stewart, former Comedy Central show host, has been in the news a lot lately. If you haven’t seen it yet, please make sure to catch the coverage of his testimony before Congress about the 9/11 First Responders bill (under References). Warning: It will be hard to keep your eyes dry.
FYI, in these days of false idols and celebrities that are all about image, authenticity is hard to find. I probably have just a handful of people that I truly admire and look up to; Jon Stewart happens to be one of them. Coincidentally, I have recently written an article named Becoming A Fully Functional Empath. On this article, I mentioned some of the qualities that a fully functional Empath or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) often possesses and demonstrates. After watching Jon Stewart’s video and doing some research about his life before and after retirement, I believe Jon Stewart is the ultimate fully functional Empath:
1) He’s obviously a highly sensitive person, who cares deeply for his fellow human beings, as well as other living beings (read below about his animal sanctuary). He wears his heart on his sleeve and isn’t afraid to show emotion for a worthy cause.
2) He has certainly found his voice and the courage to express it through his TV show hosting, writing, acting, producing, directing, public speaking, etc. In retirement, he took the time to come back to the lime light and emotionally expose himself for a cause in which he deeply believes.
3) He took on leadership roles, in spite of how jarring and challenging that probably has been for him; and in the process he’s had to deal with his share of criticism from a lot of disgruntled people along the years. A recent example happened after the aforementioned emotional speech before Congress, which earned the following comment by Republican Senator Mitch McConnell: “I don’t know why he’s all bent out of shape but we will take care of the 9/11 Victim Compensation Fund” (FYI, after 18 years of struggle, the bill was finally approved by the House following Jon Stewart’s speech, but it’s currently under review by the Senate; please also refer to Jon Stewart’s reply to Sen. McConnell’s comment during his appearance at The Late Show With Stephen Colbert).
4) He served (and still serves) others in a meaningful and self-sustaining way, as mentioned above. In retirement, he and his wife bought a 12-acre farm in New Jersey, which they turned into a sanctuary for abused farm animals.
5) He seems to have been able to establish healthy boundaries and maintains good relationships throughout his career. He has also helped a lot of the professionals who worked with him to advance their own careers in show business.
6) He managed to develop effective coping mechanisms to be out in the world, dealing with life. Humor is obviously his top choice. But he also knows when it’s time to get serious, and will go to great lengths as an advocate for worthy causes.
7) He’s been able to create and maintains some balance in life. Although currently enjoying retirement, he’s still helping abused animals in his ranch and continues to be involved in causes that are close to his heart.
8) He has obviously been able to find contentment and joy in this process, while sharing it with so many others.
9) He has inspired and continues to inspire others to find their own way. As mentioned above, he generously mentored several colleagues and even helped some of them start hosting their own shows, such as Stephen Colbert and John Oliver. He continues to be an inspiration as a vegetarian who helps abused animals, and who doesn’t mind crying on camera in front on millions of people, if that’s what it takes to give the powers-that-be a wake up call. He can also serve as a beautiful example of a fully functional Empath to all of the highly sensitive people out there. Jon, hats off to you!
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 06/24/2019
Video: Jon Stewart’s Testimony Before Congress
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert - Jon Stewart as guest
Finding Your Own Way In This Crazy, Insensitive World
It’s not easy being an Empath. Even if you know what that means, and are aware of the fact that you may be one (which also implies you’re a HSP or Highly Sensitive Person), chances are you have a hard time with life in general. You hide. You’ve found ways to work or study from home, at least on a part-time basis; and even if you have no choice but to join the ranks as a student in a public school or hold a full time job at a large company, you most definitely hide. You don’t feel comfortable showing all of yourself and revealing who you truly are to most people; you hold plenty back. Social situations can be agony to you. You suffer. You see and hear and feel too much; all the injustices in the world, especially to children and animals, make you suffer deeply. If you take a chance, show yourself and get rejected, it will often scar you for life. You numb yourself. Sometimes everything is so hard to bear that you feel the need to go numb, either through soft addictions such as TV and food, or habits that include alcohol and drugs (prescription and otherwise). Too often, you have to struggle to get out of your bed, your bedroom, your house, and will yourself to continue functioning.
You’re far from alone. Many articles written about Highly Sensitive People/Empaths mention that they comprise 18% to 20% of the population. I wonder if that percentage is actually much higher than these reports show. Were all the “closeted” HSP’s/Empaths taken into consideration? How about those who have always felt there’s something different about them, but have no idea what it is? I personally know a lot of people (among family members, friends, acquaintances, clients, etc) who seem to have all the tell-tale signs of highly sensitive/empathic people, but who aren’t aware that they might be part of that group. Some haven’t even heard these terms before; or if they have, they’re not quite sure what that means. Not to mention that many highly sensitives have learned to hide their true nature, as they quickly understood that most people around them can’t handle who they are, or the intensity of the emotions they feel.
Something else that gives me the impression that there may be a lot more highly sensitive empaths out there is the amount of the available literature on the subject (by the way, if you’re not very familiar with these terms but feel that you might be an empath, I recommend checking some of available resources and taking a quiz). Although the purpose of this article isn’t to define these terms, I actually had a hard time finding a title for my blog article that hadn’t been used before. My research showed a plethora of books and articles with Empaths and HSP’s as their main theme. To name a few: The Path of the Empath; The Way of the Peaceful Empath; Becoming a High Functioning Empath; Becoming a Skilled Empath; The Alpha Empath; The Happy Sensitive; The Empath’s Survival Guide; How To Handle Being An Empath; Becoming An Empowered Empath; The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You; etc; in addition to tons of related articles and resources available. Actually, I almost gave up writing this blog article, thinking that these themes are quite overdone… Well, redundant or not, I thought of a few people with whom I’d like to share my views on this subject. So here we go.
Who Would A Fully Functional Empath Be? Ideally, perhaps, someone who:
- Found their voice and the courage to express it.
- Takes on leadership roles, in spite of how jarring that can be for them.
- Serves others in a meaningful and self-sustaining way.
- Establishes healthy boundaries and maintains good relationships.
- Developed effective coping mechanisms to be out in the world, dealing with life, but without the need to constantly numb themselves. They have learned that numbing themselves works only temporarily, and it comes with too high of a price: feeling like an emotional zombie at first; then having depression, anxiety, repressed anger, etc; and finally, dealing with the agony of knowing that they’re holding themselves back...
- Created and maintains some balance in life.
- Finds contentment and even joy in the process.
- Inspires others to find their own way.
If you have been able to achieve all or most of the above, kudos! But if you’ve only managed to become partially functional and are out there, feeling that there should be more to life that this (whatever “this” is); or are still struggling to find your way, take heart. Keep searching for your own truth, little by little, step by step. Information is useful and role models help, but in the end you have to feel your own way through.
Just think about this: Maybe a big part of what you’re meant to do here is simply to bear. To help bear the weight of the world through your compassion; to bear witness to what is wrong, what needs to change; and to bear life as you hold space for the new generations of Empaths to come and do their thing. Just the fact that you’re here, dealing with and surviving in this crazy, insensitive world, may be nothing short of a miracle…
No, it’s not easy being an Empath… But it does come with the opportunity to live life on deep and intense levels… for better or for worse. At this point in your life, what do you want to make of it?
“Empathy doesn’t make you a sentimental softy without discernment. It allows you to keep your heart open to foster tolerance and understanding.” — Dalai Lama
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 05/28/2019
Photo Credit: Image by ejaugsburg from Pixabay
“This Is Too Much!!!” About Highly Sensitive People
The Science Behind Empathy and Empaths
…And Then You Die
Some time ago I’d had a beautiful experience helping to save a butterfly (The Butterfly Connection). Just a few days later, when I went outside to feed my rescue cats as usual, I noticed a torn piece of butterfly wing a couple of feet from where I was standing, on the concrete pad where I place the food. My heart sank. And as I instinctively looked down, I saw the dead body of a butterfly, belly up, partially torn up. Right there, by my feet, as if it was meant for me to see it and suffer for seeing it. At least, that’s how I interpreted at the time. Of course, I could had simply accepted the facts that it was butterfly season and we have several TNR cats around who like to hunt. They also like to present us with the occasional “gift” in appreciation for our services to them. I could have felt even more appreciation for the fact that I got to save a butterfly just a week before, and made peace with the fact that, unfortunately, you can’t save them all. It’s life. Death happens. Moving on.
Instead, I took that as a slap on the face by the “powers from above.” And the very same high I had felt just a week before shifted to the other end of the spectrum and turned into a deep low.
Enlightened and unattached much? Still a long way to go, I’m afraid… It actually took me several months to get out of that resistant mode and feel like writing this blog article after that incident, which is an indicator of how much easier it was to relate with the happy ending story vs. the one that ended with loss and death.
But at this point in my life, I finally find myself inching closer to acceptance and understanding in relation to the subject of death (or so I hope)… My conclusion (other than the fact that acceptance of the good, the bad and ugly in life is easier said than done) is this: Life keeps trying to teach us balance. It’s about understanding both ends of the spectrum. It’s about realizing that, much more often than we’d like to admit, we are not in control of external circumstances; only how we react to them. It’s about accepting that without death there’s no life, and vice-versa. It’s about acknowledging, as the Kybalion’s Principle of Polarity teaches, that good and bad, happy and sad, love and hate, etc, aren’t so much opposites, as they are extreme ends of the same pole.
So one day you save the life of a butterfly; another day you witness another butterfly’s death, and come face to face with the fact that there was nothing you could do. And it’s all part of life’s beautiful dance. It’s as simple as that (or should be)... Being able to understand and accept one of life’s most basic principles (or enjoying the learning process) is the key to having a joyful and fulfilled existence.
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 04/30/2019
THE BUTTERFLY CONNECTION - About Our Role In Others’ Lives
The Kybalion - The Seven Hermetic Principles
The Age When Age Doesn't Matter
Last year I had a very telling dream which I’ll never forget, as it marked an important shift in my life. At that time, I was staying at a friend’s house in Tempe, AZ. She had invited me to attend a summit organized by the company she works for as a business coach. I had the dream the night before we were supposed to attend the registration event, which would be followed by a business Meet & Mix. One of my goals for that event was to network and generate new business opportunities.
In the dream, I was attending an event or gathering with this friend of mine. During the event, she was trying to hook me up with a man; so she approached a cute young guy and pointed me to him. At first he seemed interested; but the room was dark, so he saw mostly my silhouette and pleasing body shape. But when he approached and saw me at close range, he became distant and dry, barely polite. He then pulled my friend to the side and told her he wasn’t interested, after all. And I knew it was because I looked too old and not as attractive anymore.
Needless to say, I didn’t have a great feeling of confidence when I woke up the next morning, or when I finally attended the business mixer for real that evening. At 56, I feel comfortable with my looks (or so I thought); I actually believe I look good for my age; maybe even a bit younger than my years. I’m also happily married and certainly not “looking.” In addition, I’m aware that dreams such as this one are never literal, so I knew that my subconscious was clearly pointing to another kind of insecurity through my dream. It’s no coincidence that I had this dream the night before attending the business mixer, and I came to realize something important: I was wrapping my age and attractiveness around my perception of how professionally marketable I am these days, or how much more I should be aiming to expand my professional role and business ideas at my age. I realized that, in spite of everything I’ve accomplished in my life so far, and everything I’m still in the process of accomplishing, I had bought into the “I’m too old and my life is pretty much over now that I’m menopausal” cultural myth, and was having a hard time finding (or acknowledging) my new place in the world. In other words, the insecurity and self-doubt were related to how attractive I perceived I was (or perhaps wasn’t anymore) as a career professional or entrepreneur.
Although this stigma felt real to me at the time, and still is very real for many, things have certainly changed a lot from the times when people (women in particular) were expected to hang up their boots at a certain age. With trending attitudes such as “50’s are the new 40’s,” “60’s are the new 50’s,” etc, we see more and more middle-aged people embarking on self-discovery journeys, going above and beyond normal expectations for their age group and even becoming inspirational leaders in many different industries. In fact, we could say that the middle has become the new beginning. It’s the new mid-life phase when a lot of people find themselves finally free of life’s incumbencies and choose to take bold steps towards a journey of self-empowerment, by being true to themselves and claiming their own place in the world.
WHAT TO DO?
Once I realized what the issue was, I started doing some research and trying a few different approaches to address it. Here are some of the steps that have worked well for me (and I hope will work for you, too):
- Get confident. The truth is that’s it’s a younger world out there; so how can you compete with Millennials and younger gens? The answer is: it’s not a competition. By the way, I love Millennials. They are fearless. Their generation has the finger right on the sore spots of our current society; they point out everything that’s seriously wrong with the world, and in dire need of change. And they are certainly better equipped to deal with technology and its consequential overload of information and stimuli than we are, among other things. On the other hand, we bring the kind of life experience that younger people can only dream of at this point in their lives; and that includes how to be a (mostly) functional adult. So we actually can work well together and help each other.
- Get some perspective. This brings me to another important point in relation to how we can sabotage ourselves, and that is our tendency to compare ourselves; and not just to Millennials and other younger generations, but also to anyone else whom we perceive as having achieved more and become more successful than we are at our own age. If the goal of the comparison were meant as a form of inspiration, that would be just fine. But that kind of comparison is often loaded with guilt, shame and self-deprecation for not having done more with our lives, which can often feed into our insecurity and self-doubt, and in turn lead to feeling paralyzed and afraid to move forward. So stop comparing yourself to others! You are a unique individual, and your path is meant to be different than anyone else’s. Remember, only you can do what you do just the way you do it!
- Get healthy. This should be the next step, before moving forward with your goals. For instance, if you’re suffering from the many symptoms that come with menopause (namely, hormonal imbalances that cause mood changes, insomnia, lack of energy, hot flashes, etc), do some research about hormone replacement therapy, diet and exercise, and everything else that can help balance your hormones. In my case, along with dietary and other life-style changes, I decided to try a plant-based progesterone cream which has been working quite well for me.
If you have other (or more serious) health challenges, this step is even more important. Do what you know you need to do to achieve and maintain a healthy state of mind, body and spirit, to the best of your ability and circumstances.
- Get self-care. Although this is part of getting healthy, it deserves special emphasis due to the fact that many of us neglect ourselves in that department. We are so used to putting everyone else’s needs first, that giving priority to our well-being (which includes our own career goals and life paths) might sound like an alien concept. So spend time and resources doing those things that you know make you feel much better and help maintain your sanity. Yes, it’s ok to finally put yourself first.
- Get updated. To become more marketable and effective, it’s a good idea to find out what would help you get even better at what you do or have done in the past, and then go for it. Take classes, watch webinars, get some training on new technology, etc; and have fun in the process! Learning keeps your brain young.
- Get busy. Rather than getting lost in all the planning and list-making, take some solid steps. As Marie Forleo suggests, focus on progress and results, instead of perfection.
By the way, if you consider yourself a perfectionist, you might want to read the article below.
Becoming a Functional Perfectionist
- Get support. No one can do it alone! Join a group or create one yourself, enroll in community activities and events, volunteer, etc. Also, reach out to successful professionals in your field. Choose your role models and mentors carefully, however. Are they all about image? Look for authenticity!
- Get going. The Dalai Lama said that the “Western women will save the world.” There’s no question that a powerful revolution has begun; it’s all around us. So you can start by asking the following question: What do you believe your place or role in this revolution is? What’s been tugging at your heartstrings for a while? It doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful!
- FINAL THOUGHT: Get gutsy and get started! After all, what do you have to lose?
© Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 02/07/2019
Photo by samer aboul on pexels