The Challenge (or One of Them)
We live in a time period when a lot is expected and even demanded of anyone who's on their way to awareness (or trying to get there). And it doesn't make any difference where on our paths we might be; we are not being cut any slack. A lot of us can't help but feeling overwhelmingly pressured to perform, to become someone many of us don't feel quite ready to be (even assuming we know for sure who we want to become or what we want to do).

Everyone and everything around are inspiring (or rather, urging) us to take major action, and immediately. Something about the fact that we don't have a lot of time left. The news. The prophets. New Age books. Movies such as An Inconvenient Truth, Fast Food Nation, Supersize Me, Sicko, etc. Everywhere you turn, it's doomsday approaching by the minute. It's do or die. Although all that information is very necessary and fulfilling a vital service by educating us, one of its common side effects is that of creating a state of paranoia and panic, and freezing a lot of well-meaning but overwhelmed people into depression and inaction (not to mention that, according to the law of attraction, it can actually reinforce this very reality we want so much to change). The current political (and socio-economical) climate doesn’t help one bit.

Like so many, for a long time I had also felt that I should be doing something about it. I went through a period of confusion during which I desperately tried to figure out what, how, which, when. And, more specifically, who I had to become to participate, to contribute. "Become" being the operative word. I did not believe that I could just choose to do something, to participate, to create without becoming somebody else first. As in, becoming better; improving myself as a person. Not that I have anything against the idea that we all should put an effort into connecting with and expressing our best selves. I believe that's one of the reasons we come here: to remember who we really are, and ultimately make that choice. It's just that, in my mind, I often felt I was not even worthy of initiating any change process because I was not good enough. I didn't believe that if I just followed my heart, chose something I care about and made it happen, even if it were on a small scale, that I would really be making a difference. As I was influenced by our modern culture, which is filled with so many amazing people doing things in the grandest possible styles, I thought that whatever changes I made, they would have to be on a much larger scale. It seemed like hard footsteps to follow. Just too much for little ol' me.

And so I read all about how to build an organic garden and do composting and save water and energy, etc, etc, etc. And then I watched movies and documentaries about the environment and felt inspired (or shamed) into doing something about it. And then I saved all the web site links and their huge lists of things to do. At first, my intention was to go all out; but then, for lack of time or money or energy or simply for being lazy, all I managed to do in the end was to neatly organize bookmarks of informative websites for future use... and buy a few eco-friendly light bulbs.

Until I decided to stop trying to become someone I'm not, and find my own small way to help by doing something I enjoy, am good at and can have fun with: becoming a wellness practitioner, and writing articles to hopefully help break it down for other people like me.

What's Next, Then?
Here are 11 steps I suggest you consider if you’re feeling lost and confused about your studies, work, career, calling, life path, etc, and trying to figure out a way to contribute to positive change while following your bliss:

1) Chillax.* Take a deep breath, take a walk, meditate, give yourself a break.
(*This slang made up of the contraction between “chill” and “relax” used to be a thing. Then older adults started overusing it, so it’s considered lame and even archaic now; but I still like it and I think it works here. So, there.)

2) Chillax some more.

3) Realize that you are the only one who can decide what works for you. There's no wrong way or right way. There's only your way, my way, and everyone else's infinite own ways.

4) Decide to have fun in your life. This is very important: first thing you do when you wake up is to ask to have fun and prepare to be surprised. Expect it. Believe it. Pursue it. And watch it happen. Everything else falls into place.

5) Understand that you don't have to be or become perfect (whatever your perception of perfection happens to be) to deserve that good things happen to you, and to decide to participate in this amazing shift that's happening in our world right now. In other words:
You don't “gotta” become anything.
You just gotta be.
You be, and in the being the best you can manage to be at this very moment in your life, you'll eventually find yourself and your way.

6) Whichever way it goes, it's all good. Sure, human civilization as we know it might end in this planet if we don't act quickly enough. However, there are also a lot of people out there already working to make a difference, as we speak. And in the end, as my yoga teacher said, whichever way it goes it's all good. And it's certainly not going to do us any good to constantly worry about it....

7) So, go at your own pace. Your timing is just right for you. Just because your favorite guru or your next-door neighbor already got enlightened and found their mission, it doesn't mean you have to rush out and try to get a bigger one for yourself. I mean, the pressure to keep up!!! Just try to do what you can, without worrying if you're doing enough, or doing it quickly enough and, most importantly, without worrying about what anybody else is doing or not doing.

8) There's no such thing as missing your opportunity to do anything in life. There’s always another opportunity where that one came from.

9) Think baby steps. In the end, it's the little things, the tiny steps, the small ways that make a difference. Every single, minute action counts. You are here and now to take only one step to begin with.

10) And finally, but most importantly: enjoy yourself in the process. If you are not enjoying yourself, try something else. In the end, it's all about You. Yes, You. So, be gentle with yourself, and be merry!

11) In case you start following the steps above and get busy, tired, sick, overwhelmed, overworked, disheartened, discouraged, fed up, lazy, etc, and then give up, step # 11 is here just to remind you to give yourself a break. When you are ready again, just go back to step #1 and start over!

Choosing Your Step
Just think of something that you would like to be doing to help. Look around your home, or think about your family, friends, school, work, hobbies, community, or whatever you connect the most with. The choices are virtually limitless. If there's anything that draws your attention, some area where you feel you can make a difference, even if in very small ways, go for it! You can start by simply picking one action to follow and putting it into practice, until you feel ready to add more to your list. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Unless you do feel like choosing several things and starting to change the world right away; then, by all means, go ahead and follow your instincts. If at any point you become overwhelmed, try not to get discouraged and drop everything; instead, remember you can always cut back and/or change your choices.

C’mon, Can One Small Step Really Make A Difference?
YES!!! Think about the proverbial small pebble creating the ripple effect when tossed in the lake. Think about any other frequently used metaphor in relation to the huge power of small actions; or create your own! Whatever it takes to get you going. But take that step. And then another, and another, and another. Just try it and see.

Final Thought: Remember that even a tiny step is better than doing nothing. And don't forget to HAVE FUN!

Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 05/18/2016
theragicenter.com

As a hypnotherapist, part of my work with clients involves explaining how hypnotherapy works and playing the role of “myth buster.” That has become necessary because of the great amount of mistaken notions about hypnosis that’s out there, mostly due to misrepresentation on TV shows, movies, etc. It doesn’t help that hypnotherapy is often compared to and confused with stage hypnosis and other entertainment-driven practices such as mentalism, street magic, etc. It’s been my experience that a lot of people, including other practitioners and healthcare professionals, share at least a few misconceptions about hypnosis.

One recent example came from a client of mine. After a few sessions, she started noticing marked positive change. This client happens to be someone who goes easily and deeply into trance, and hardly ever remembers much about the session on a conscious level. As it often happens in these situations, she couldn’t believe that something as seemingly simple and easy as a hypnosis session (which she often felt as if she’d slept through and couldn’t even remember), could start making such a big difference in her life. So, every time we’d meet, she would question me about how hypnotherapy works. I was only too glad to answer all her questions to help her feel as comfortable as possible with the process. One of those times, however, she mentioned that she had spoken about it to someone she knew, a massage therapist who claimed to also be trained in hypnotherapy. She had told this person that she was mostly zoned out during her sessions and couldn’t remember almost anything. The well-intentioned but ill-informed practitioner told her that it was not working, then; and added that she needed to be alert and engaged for it to work. So I had to explain to my client that this is one of the most common misconceptions about hypnotherapy. I told her that, although it might feel like being asleep during session sometimes, she’s really not completely asleep or unconscious. She’s actually in a sleep-like state or somnambulism, which is between awake and asleep (in the Alpha/Theta zones), and not in deep sleep (Delta zone); in that state, she might lose conscious awareness but her subconscious is still engaged, listening to the sound of my voice in the background and duly recording the message. That’s how she always knows when I’m counting her back up (which is referred to as “awakening”). As my client was still looking a bit unsure, and also wondering about the content of the scripts I had been using, I offered to show her the script I had used in our last session, explaining that it would give her a good idea of what we had covered but it wouldn’t be exact, since I customize it for each client. Well, the moment my client started looking at the script, she cried out in instant recognition: “Oh, I remember this! I remember the door and the key and everything!” Merely glancing at the script was enough for her conscious mind to get triggered into remembering what her subconscious had already recorded. She was quite surprised about it, and was finally convinced that the therapy was working as it should, and her subconscious was doing its job.

Light or Deep Trance? Trance levels vary for countless reasons. For instance, some scripts are more interactive than others, so you might be more alert during those. Or you might be curious about the process or a bit nervous during your first session, which could also cause you to stay more alert. Or your levels of stress might be higher than usual that day; or unexpected background noises might pull you out of your relaxation mode; or your mind might be distracted by your to-do list; etc. Or you might simply feel more comfortable staying alert through the process. Of course, the therapist will do the best to help you stay relaxed and engaged in spite of distractions. But, in general, your own subconscious will do whatever is best for you at the time. If there’s something you need to remember on a conscious level, you will be more alert during the session; or go in and out (in for the part you need to remember consciously and out for the part that you will retain more on a subconscious level). If your subconscious needs your conscious mind out of the way for some deep healing and change, you are likely to zone out for most of it. As illustrated above, if you do go into a deep hypnotic state (or sleep-like state), you might not remember everything (or anything) on a conscious level, once you are awake. And that’s OK; your subconscious mind still records the message. You can actually train your mind to stay conscious and aware during a deep trance, but that’s not necessary for the hypnotic suggestion to work

IN SHORT: Hypnotherapy works through subliminal suggestion, regardless of how deep the state of hypnosis. The hypnotic trance achieved by the client can be light, deep and everything in between; and significant change can happen at any level of trance. You can learn more about the science behind Hypnotherapy (including studies proving its effectiveness and theories discussing why it works) by exploring the sources under References.

OTHER HYPNOSIS AND HYPNOTHERAPY FACTS:

1) About Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is a trance or altered state of consciousness that's between waking and sleep, and is characterized by increased suggestibility, relaxation and heightened imagination. It's a natural state which we achieve many times throughout the day, without even realizing it (for instance, when we become so involved driving, watching TV or a movie, or reading a book, etc, that we lose awareness of where we are). We just don’t refer to it as going into a hypnotic trance; we call it “zoning out.” Hypnotherapy is a therapeutic method of healing by using hypnosis.

2) Hypnotherapy is completely different from stage hypnotism, mentalism, street magic, etc. What entertainers seek to accomplish is to distract your conscious mind through rapid induction and confusion techniques, so that they can get you to temporarily believe certain things and act in certain ways for the purpose of entertainment. But for that to work, you still need to be a willing participant. And even when it does work, it will be short-lived, as your subconscious will seek to go back to normal (and “normal” is certainly not clucking like a chicken!). This process is called homeostasis, or a natural state of balance, and it will soon occur even without suggestion removal by the entertainer. A hypnotherapist, on the other hand, discusses goals with you before the session so that you are aware of and in agreement with the positive suggestions that will be made to the subconscious during the session. Then the hypnotherapist intentionally induces a trance to help bring you into a relaxed and focused state, which makes the positive suggestions much more effective. And even in such planned circumstances, if you have too much resistance or mixed feelings about the goals you are trying to accomplish, your subconscious might not accept the positive suggestions, or just accept them to a certain degree. The bottom line is: the more motivated you are, the better it works.

3) Hypnotherapy is not mind control. Nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want to do through hypnosis. You have to be willing to accept the suggestions. As I mentioned above, even in the case of stage hypnosis, the participants need to be willing to play the game.

4) Hypnosis is not dangerous. There has never been a documented case of harmful results from the therapeutic use of hypnosis. It is easy to be brought back from a hypnotic trance; there has never been a documented case of someone unable to come out of it.

5) All hypnosis is a form of self hypnosis. Different techniques can be used, either on your own or with a hypnotherapist as your guide. But even when you engage the help of a hypnotherapist, it’s your subconscious doing the work of opening up to and accepting suggestions for positive change. As I mentioned before, the more motivated you are, the better it works. Most people are capable of reaching a hypnotic state, as long as they are motivated to do so.

6) Hypnotherapy does not work better on weaker minds. In fact, the stronger the will of a person, the more likely they are to achieve success in hypnosis. This is because people are most influenced by their own suggestions and, in actuality, put themselves in a hypnotic state. A therapist's role is to guide them in this process. Hypnotherapy will only be effective if you want to be helped and want to resolve your problem. In a hypnotic state you will either accept or refuse a suggestion.

7) Potential Issues with Hypnotherapy. There are some issues which can potentially decrease the effectiveness of hypnotherapy by impeding or slowing down progress, such as resistance (often caused by the client being of two minds about a goal; having fear of symptom removal; trying too hard; being over analytical; having lack of rapport with the therapist; suffering from extreme anxiety or other mental health issues; etc). The hypnotherapist should be able to help the client through some of these issues, at least to a certain degree; however, the client needs to be willing and open to change. The combination of hypnotherapy with counseling or other behavior modification practices can be beneficial in such cases.

There are also potential risks involving hypnosis; some of these are: abreaction (a strong emotional reaction to a memory); physical reactions (especially if the client has epilepsy, lung or respiratory disease, etc); recollection of blocked memories (which can cause an abreaction); and false memories. It is important to remember that such occurrences can be great opportunities for a client to remove, resolve and release past issues or trauma. It’s also important to understand that recollected “memories” might be real; but they could be distorted and embellished, much like being in a dream state. Such recollections could also be just a symbolic representation of what the client felt during a hurtful or traumatic moment. A qualified hypnotherapist should be prepared for and able to handle such issues, and also know when to call for additional professional help or refer the client.

8) Hypnotherapy is a safe, natural and non-invasive way to guide you through positive change. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Hypnosis that's conducted by a trained therapist or health care professional is considered a safe, complementary and alternative medical treatment.” It can be of great use in the treatment of many behavioral, physical and psychological conditions, such as stress, anxiety and panic, fears and phobias, pain, fatigue, health issues, sleep distress, self esteem and motivation, loss and separation, depression, learning disabilities, bed-wetting and many others. It is often used for weight loss, smoking cessation, athletic performance, natural child birth, regression, etc.

BOTTOM LINE: So, once you choose a qualified professional or learn how to practice self-hypnosis, how do you get the most out of your sessions? Simply put: motivation... and an open mind.

Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 05/12/2016

References:
Clinical Hypnotherapy: A Transpersonal Approach, by Allen S. Chips, DCH, PhD
Hypnosis for Change, by Josie Hadley and Carol Staudacher
On The Hypnotic Induction: http://integralhypnosis.com/induction.htm 
Theories of Hypnosis: What Makes It work? http://www.counselorsassociated.com/lifechange3c.htm 
Various research, training and educational materials supplied by SWIHA - Southwest Institute of Healing Arts

So my husband and I recently lost one of the rescue cats we’ve been sheltering, feeding and trying to get adopted. His name was Solo, a sweet, gentle and friendly Tuxedo cat who was very loving and protective of the other cats in the colony; especially his smaller siblings. After a week-long search, we found poor Solo’s body in a neighbor’s yard, close to the fence between our homes. We believe he got into some rat poison. It was quite shocking to find him that way. I wept inconsolably because of the sad way he died, as well as the condition of his body, which was already in the first stages of decomposition; and for not having had the chance for a proper goodbye. But I also cried for not having realized how seriously ill he was and tried to do more about it (he had looked shaky and non-responsive a week before, so we tried to catch him to take him to the vet but he escaped, and because we couldn’t find anything visibly wrong and he seemed to be doing better, we decided to just keep an eye on him; unfortunately, that was the last time we saw him alive). I also wept for not having been able to find him a permanent home soon enough; for the deep pain I witnessed and felt in my husband, who had developed a soft spot for Solo; but above all, I cried for the kind of world we live in, where too many living beings suffer from neglect and ill-treatment, and where too many are killed so casually and mindlessly, often just for our convenience.

After my husband asked permission to enter the neighbor’s backyard, we went together to pick up Solo’s remains and bring him back to our house, the place that was never meant to be his permanent home but was the only home he knew for the almost three years of his life, ever since he was just a little kitten hiding with his siblings under our shed. We buried him in our backyard, saying our final goodbyes. Ironically, about a week later someone called and asked if Solo was still available for adoption. They were looking for a neutered Tuxedo male to keep company with a Tuxedo female who had recently lost her companion. Solo would have been perfect. The call came about two weeks too late.

A few days later, we attended an event with a few friends and acquaintances. One of the people there was a man who had lost his younger son to suicide just a few months before. I can’t even imagine the kind of pain that man had gone (and was still going) through. I also remember feeling embarrassed about how much I was still suffering for the loss of a rescue cat, and how self-conscious I felt after a friend asked what was wrong with me, and I shared it with him. I caught myself trying to justify what I was feeling and why I was still feeling that way.

Over the years I’ve suffered my share of losses, as everyone else. In the past year alone, my grandmother (with whom I had a very special connection) and a cousin-in-law (a special and wonderful young woman with whom I also shared a special connection) passed away. In addition to Solo, we also lost three other rescue cats; one of them was especially hard, as it was a sweet little kitten who got severely sick and had to be put to sleep. I still carry all of them with me.

As these events caused me to muse about loss more than usual; and considering that every single one of us deals with loss on a regular basis, I decided to write down some thoughts and feelings in relation to this important and reoccurring theme.

ABOUT LOSS...
1) Loss is always about much more than who or what you lose. As it happened in relation to the death of Solo the rescue cat, loss can bring up many other issues to the surface, including fear of death, feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness, etc. Generally speaking, the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, as our losses can be connected with so many different aspects of our beings and existence (including past experiences of loss), the significance of each loss is quite personal and individual.

2) Loss is loss is loss. No loss should be considered greater or lesser than another; comparing losses is an exercise in futility. There’s no right or wrong here. So I shouldn’t have compared my grief for the loss of our rescue cat with the grief of the gentleman who lost his son. Losses cannot be compared by quantity or quality. Of course, it’s still a good rule of thumb to not try to engage someone who just lost his son to suicide by speaking about the loss of your rescue cat. Each person tends to feel very intensely about their own loss and most likely wouldn’t respond well to a comment that might elicit comparison, especially if they are still grieving. When someone is in need to sympathy for their loss, it’s always better to address their needs without bringing up your own loss, anyway. However, you should be able to go through your own grief process without guilt or shame. Which bring us to the following thought:

3) There’s no shame in loss. Or there shouldn’t be. Easier said than done, as I happened to prove with my own personal experience. However, that’s what we should strive for: understanding that grief due to loss is a very natural feeling that needs to be honored and experienced without guilt or shame. In spite of the fact that many of us believe in a higher realm where souls are eternal, it’s still hard to disconnect ourselves from the pain caused by the very real losses in our physical world. The thing is, we are also physical beings, and it is OK to acknowledge and feel loss in this realm.

4) Suffering more for the loss of one person (or animal companion, etc) over another doesn’t mean caring more for one over the other. Among other things, the circumstances involving someone’s death can make it harder for the people who survive them. As I mentioned above, I lost my grandmother and my cousin-in-law just a few months apart in the past year. Although I was a lot closer to my grandmother than I was to my cousin-in-law, in some ways I suffered my cousin-in-law’s death more intensely. The reasons were that my grandmother died at the age of 97, having lived a full life, having had the chance to see most of her family for her 97th birthday celebration a couple of weeks before (with family coming from out of state and even of the country), and having her wish for a good death fulfilled (she died peacefully in her sleep, and mostly in good health). My cousin-in-law, however, was only 41 and died painfully of cancer in the prime of her life, leaving her husband and her 6-year-old son behind, not to mention a mother who had recently lost her husband (my cousin-in-law’s father) to cancer, and whose son (my cousin-in-law’s brother) also has cancer.

4) Those of us who are highly sensitive people (HSP) might feel loss even more deeply. As I mentioned on my blog article “This Is Too Much!!!” About Highly Sensitive People, what is moderately stimulating to most people is overwhelming to highly sensitive people, who make up about 20% of the population. One more reason why it’s wise to not compare degrees of grief and loss.

5) The grieving process is not linear. So we shouldn’t expect it to follow a preset pattern. For instance, although the five stages of grief and loss (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, as per Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s model) are a generally accepted standard, we can’t expect to go through one by one and be done with it. While some stages might be easily identifiable, others might be hardly noticeable or existent. It’s also common to swing back and forth among them, mix them up and even create a few combos of our own... So it’s better to just go with the flow, accepting and honoring our own process as it is.

6) There is no statute of limitation in relation to loss. Therefore, there should be no rules concerning when and how we are supposed to “get over” a loss. Of course, the exception should be that it’s advisable to seek help to cope with grief and loss whenever that is leading to self-destructive and other destructive behavior.

7) There’s always loss. We are always losing someone or something throughout our entire lives. Accepting this basic principle can help us through the losses we’re certain to suffer. The more acceptance we can muster, the less we grieve. Yes, easier said than done, but something to work towards nonetheless.

8) Loss and change often go arm in arm. The reverse is also true. Change is the fiber of life; so is loss. We lose people (friends, family, romantic partners, etc), jobs, homes, opportunities, memories... But there’s always another where that one came from. Which brings us to the next thought about loss:

9) Something to lose, something to gain. The upside of loss is gain. We often gain a lot from our losses, from deeper understanding and awareness, maturity, etc, to new people, things or circumstances that come into our lives to fill that void or empty space and redirect our sense of purpose. It’s a natural law of the universe. The gentleman who lost his son knows painfully well that no one can ever replace him; but he has another son who now needs him more than ever. Some people who go through similar tragedies also choose to get involved in support groups and volunteer for organizations that have suicide prevention lines. In our case, just a few days after Solo was gone another stray Tuxedo cat showed up at our house, needing food and shelter. Of course, the newcomer can never replace Solo, who will always be in our hearts. But it is the nature of our universe to create new relationships and circumstances once previous ones are gone.

10) Loss is an illusion. We take loss very personally, and concentrate on the feeling that someone or something was taken away from us; we even express it that way by talking about “our” losses. However, nothing and no one really belong to us during our temporary passage through this world, do they? In addition, if we believe in the eternity of our souls or energy beings, and that nothing is wasted in the universe, only transformed, then loss doesn’t really exist from a broader perspective. Likewise, if we get technical and consider the quantum physics principles involving space/time and alternate realities. Whatever set of beliefs floats our boat is worth a try. Maybe believing that loss is an illusion or that everything happens for a reason won’t make us suffer any less; but it can offer some comfort. In my case, when things are tough I repeat to myself these well-known Abraham-Hicks words: “You are loved. All is well.”

11) We are simply not in control. One of the most important things that loss teaches us is that we are not in control. Concerning Solo, the truth of the matter is that my husband and I weren’t in control of our neighbor’s actions (using the rat poison), or Solo’s actions (eating the rat poison and then running away from our help). We were in control of our own actions, but only from a limited perspective and incomplete understanding of the whole situation. So, ultimately, we were not in control of what happened to him. And the bottom line is that everyone is always doing the best they can with what they know at any given time. That’s worth remembering whenever we start getting into the blame game (blaming ourselves or others) concerning a loss.

12) We are not alone. There’s always help. That doesn’t mean we can’t take whatever time alone we need to mourn and grieve a loss. But there’s great value in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and sharing it with others. For one, we are reminded that everyone of us deals with loss. In addition, if we are feeling spiritually disconnected due to loss and grief, sharing with others helps us reconnect and feel like part of the web of life again.

FINAL THOUGHT: If all else fails, remember these famous words: “This too shall pass...”

My heartfelt condolences to everyone in grief,

Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 04/27/2016

Yes, Highly Sensitive People, or HSP, is a thing. There’s solid research that supports this concept. According to expert Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You:
“The brains of highly sensitive people have more activity and blood flow in the right hemisphere, indicating an internal rather than an external focus.
What is moderately arousing to most people is overwhelming to HSPs.
HSPs often have decreased serotonin levels resulting from the repeated stress of over arousal.
Likewise, they have more reactive immune systems (allergies) and more sensitive nervous systems.
The sensitivity trait is just as likely among men as among women; both represent about 20 percent of the population.”

Taking into consideration that 20% of the population currently corresponds to approximately 1.48 billion people worldwide, that’s too high a number for it to be just the latest fad, anyway. But hey, I get it. Many well-meaning parents, teachers and others responsible for rearing children want to understand what’s going on and do right by their kids, but don’t want to be taken for a ride in the process. With all the behavioral health trends that keep coming up, it’s hard to tell the difference between a legitimate thing and yet another label which legitimizes bad behavior. Or the difference between highly sensitive kids and over indulged brats, or between highly sensitive adults and dysfunctional drama addicts. The thing is, although being highly sensitive can lead to disorders and disorderly behavior, it’s not a disorder. Although it can lead to mental health problems, it’s not a mental health problem. It’s simply a different, more intense (sometimes much more intense) way of perceiving, relating to and connecting with the world. Of course, highly sensitive kids can become over indulged brats, and highly sensitive adults can be socially inept people or dysfunctional drama addicts. Why? Maybe part of the problem is simply the lack of awareness and information about how to raise a highly sensitive kid into becoming a functional highly sensitive adult. It can be hard to understand, relate to and deal with a highly sensitive child. The key is to remember that it’s also very hard to be one. Highly sensitive children are also referred to as “orchid children.” According to the article Genetic Roots of “Orchid” Children by Bruce Bower, “a Swedish expression that translates as ‘orchid child’ refers to a youngster who blossoms spectacularly if carefully nurtured but withers badly if neglected.” An orchid in a field of dandelions, the highly sensitive child has a much more delicate personality than his peers and needs a protective environment to properly flourish.

From early on in life, highly sensitive children have to live with the perception that they are different; that they don’t quite fit in; that there’s “something wrong” with them, according to others. Because they are so sensitive, they experience tremendous hurt, which may result in self-hatred and self-destructive behavior. In addition, highly sensitive people often have the capacity to understand or perceive what’s going on with others better than many do themselves. So they can become a bothersome and inconvenient presence to a lot of people, and frequently receive (and/or deeply feel) negative feedback from their input, such as anger, rage, fear, sadness, withdrawal, defensiveness, etc. In family dynamics, the highly sensitive child usually plays the role of the "scapegoat" or "screw up" or "problem child" (the "scapegoat" is the truth teller of the family; this role is played by the most sensitive and emotionally honest child, who often verbalizes or acts out the "problem" or dysfunction that the family is attempting to cover up or deny). It doesn’t get any better as the highly sensitive children grow up. I’ve heard many of my clients say that they are constantly told such things as: “stop being so annoying”; “why do you always have to see more into it or make a bigger deal than it is?”; “stop being so sensitive”; “calm down, you’re being irrational”; “you’re overreacting”; “you’re overthinking it”; “why do you care so much?”; “anyone else can handle this, so why can’t you?”; “you don’t know everything!”; etc. Of course, highly sensitive people are not always right about how they understand, feel or perceive things; but they are often on the right track, which annoys a lot of people.

A client once told me that it took her years to be able to see a dead animal on the road without crying, which used to cause her to be regarded by friends and family members (not to mention herself) as weird. Other clients say that they didn’t feel like they ever fit in; that they didn’t have a place. Some mention that they see (and intensely feel) too many things that are wrong with the way we live, the way we treat other humans and other living beings, the way we are destroying the planet, etc; and they simply can’t live with all that and go on pretending nothing is happening, ignoring what’s happening, or profiting from what’s happening, as so many do. They see the unfairness and injustice of the rigged system, along with all its rigged subsystems, that our modern society has become. And they want it to stop. Many of them do manage to thrive and become the dreamers, the doers, the game changers, the rebels with plenty of cause; but they often give so much of themselves and get so deeply involved that their cause sucks the living energy out of them. In addition, many highly sensitive adults often get discouraged easily, at the first sight of a challenge or disappointment; or simply change they cannot handle or suffering they cannot bear to witness. Others are lost and confused; they go into hiding for self preservation, often numbing themselves with mind altering substances (legal and illegal) and/or suffering from severe health issues which cause intense physical, emotional and mental pain. In short, many are hiding because they can’t find their place and their way; and they can’t function in this rigged system without it chipping away at their very souls.

Under References and Related Articles there are many suggestions that can be incorporated as part of the highly sensitive person’s survival kit, as well as sources of information for the non-highly sensitive people who have HSPs in their lives. As a highly sensitive person myself, I share some of what I have learned and offer a few suggestions below.

For the non-highly sensitive people out there:

• Being highly sensitive is a thing. What is moderately stimulating to most people is overwhelming to highly sensitive people.
• It never helps to say to someone who’s highly sensitive that they are being too sensitive, they are overreacting, they are overthinking it, they are being irrational, etc. First of all, that’s invalidating their feelings, which are very intense and quite real. In second place, although HSPs make up the minority of the population, there’s no right or wrong here. We should look at it as simply a matter of different styles and degrees of intensity in how we interact with the world. Otherwise, a highly sensitive person could very well say that you are insensitive, you are “underreacting,” you are not thinking about it enough, you are being too rational, etc.
  
• Consider listening with an open mind and at least giving it a second thought when a highly sensitive person shares a feeling or intuition with you. Although being highly sensitive doesn’t mean being always right, they might be on to something, or at least on the right track.
  
• However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to your own feelings, instincts and points of view. It’s also ok to express to a highly sensitive person that you’re feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their feelings and reactions. And it’s ok to want to communicate in a civilized manner while trying to find middle ground and a solution that satisfies both sides; but it’s probably best to wait until everyone is nice and calm before attempting it.
  
• Respect and appreciate the differences. A highly sensitive person can often show you a beautifully intense way to connect with others and the world.
• Exercise compassion; try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
• When things get tough, focus on the beautiful side of the highly sensitive person you’re interacting with. Especially if you are in a romantic relationship, remember that this deep sensitivity was very likely part of the reason you felt attracted to that person to begin with.

For the highly sensitive people out there:

• You’re not alone. Plenty of others like you out there.
• You’re not alone. That also means you need to find a way to not be alone all the time, to connect with others and to find your place in the world, even if the process can be difficult and painful at times.
• There’s nothing wrong with you; you’re just very, very sensitive. The sooner you stop thinking about yourself as dysfunctional and start putting your gifts to good use, the better for the world, and the happier you will be as a result.
• As everyone else, you came here with a mission (or missions), and gifts with which to accomplish it. Develop your talents and strengths, find your mission and focus on it. There are many career (and life) paths that fit highly sensitive people very well; and by taking steps to help raise awareness and possibly change things, you will realize that many things that used to bother you won’t affect you as much anymore. Not to mention that, as you tend to feel very intensely, the rewards from this process should also feel exhilarating!
• It’s ok to take a break and go within, and even isolate yourself when needed. After recharging, get right back in the game and do your part. As a highly sensitive person myself, I figured I had two choices: to either continue to reject and withdraw from the world or carve a place for myself; even make one up, if I didn’t like the available options. And aim to thrive, while helping others in the process. This doesn’t mean I know all the answers or have it together all the time; it just means I keep trying my best and moving forward...
• If you are a highly sensitive person with a challenging or disabling physical, emotional or mental condition such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, PTSD, etc, I’d say it’s even more important that you express yourself creatively, that you try to figure out what your mission is. And maybe you’re here to show others that you can still make the best of your life in spite of your challenges. So please consider choosing baby steps and taking it slowly but surely, so that you can show your gifts to the world. I’ve seen miracles happen when people in similar situations have chosen to take a step rather than giving up; but if nothing else, it might help you cope and make you feel happier.
• Do as many healthy things as possible to take good care of yourself and recharge. Proper diet and exercise are of extreme importance to a highly sensitive person. Complementary Alternative Medicine (CAM) therapies such as acupuncture, biofeedback, hypnosis, guided imagery, meditation, relaxation/stress reduction techniques, yoga, etc, are very beneficial to HSPs.
• It is possible to be highly sensitive without being automatically reactive to people and situations. It’s a skill that you practice and learn like any other.
• Respect and appreciate the differences. There’s nothing wrong with others just because they are not as sensitive as you are. By the way, that doesn’t automatically mean being insensitive. In addition, a non-highly sensitive person can often show you a more balanced way to interact with others and the world.
• Exercise compassion; try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
• It’s true that highly sensitive people are usually very empathic and intuitive, and can read between the lines better than most. But that doesn’t mean being right most or all of the time. You have to remember that you are still human and make mistakes just like everyone else; not to mention that you’re likely to have developed a chip on your shoulder from growing up feeling like an outsider. Keep in mind that, more often than not, people acted in a way that felt hurtful to you simply out of lack of understanding or awareness, not meaning anything by it, and often with the best of intentions; not because they hate you or don’t care about you. So, as a highly sensitive person you’ll do well to focus on the positive, communicate openly and clearly, and ask in case of doubt, rather than assuming the worst about other people’s thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, etc.
• Being a highly sensitive person is also like having a super power. In a perfect world, you’d be able to flaunt your powers. As it is, just like most superheroes, you often have to tone down your powers to be able to function well in this world and keep yourself and your loved ones safe. But also like a superhero, you know you can draw from your powers whenever you need to save the day.

References and Related Articles:
1) The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You, book by Dr. Elaine N. Aron
2) Are You Highly Sensitive? test from Dr. Elaine Aron’s website:
http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
3) The Plight of the Empath or Highly Sensitive Person:
http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/a/plightofempath.htm
4) 16 Habits of Highly Sensitive People:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html
5) What Makes A Highly Sensitive Person?:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/02/08/what-makes-a-highly-sensitive-person/
6) Genetic Roots Of “Orchid Children”:
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/genetic-roots-orchid-children
7) On The Trail Of The Orchid Child:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/on-the-trail-of-the-orchid-child/
8) Are You A Highly Sensitive Person? What You Need To Know About The Science Of This Personality Type:
http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/are-you-highly-sensitive-person-what-you-need-know-about-science-personality-type
9) Orchids and Dandelions Abloom - Best of Neuron Culture:
http://www.wired.com/2013/06/orchids-abloom-best-of-neuron-culture

When I first started noticing the "coloring books for adults" fad, I couldn't help but think: "Really? What other gimmicks will they come up with next?" Well, little did I know then that I was about to become a big fan of the whole idea...not to mention a coloring book addict.

As soon as I decided to set aside my "I'm too old for this and I don't want to look ridiculous" attitude, I remembered a transformational psychology class I had in school which required that I chose my favorite activity from when I was a child, practiced it for a week and then reported on it. Which activity did I choose? Coloring. I still remember the wonderful feelings I had from reconnecting with my childhood that way: the sense of freedom, of childlike innocence, of pure and simple joy...

But that's just one of the many benefits you might notice when you start coloring books on a regular basis. This activity is not only fun; it helps you get in touch with your artistic, creative side, and you might find yourself using that creativity at home and at work. One of the clients to whom I recommended it mentioned that, after trying the coloring books for only one week, she was able to accomplish during that week the work that normally would have taken her about a month (creating new brochures, flyers and business forms for her company).

Among other advantages, coloring books can also help you de-stress, relieve anxiety and even achieve a meditative state. It calms the mind, allowing you to feel more centered and grounded. I have personally noticed its mood balancing effects, as well as an increased sense of joy and contentment. From an integrative care perspective, this activity has the potential to help improve your health in general, as the shapes and colors you choose are likely to be exactly the ones you need for the healing and balancing of your body, mind and spirit.

I didn't think I had time for this; now I make time for this because of its countless benefits. I have also recommended it to friends, family and several of my hypnotherapy/life coaching clients, and with great success.

Coloring therapy is often used with children and young adults by many therapists and health centers, and it's gradually becoming more common as part of the treatment of certain healthcare issues in adults, such as addiction recovery symptoms.

In short, coloring books are no joke!

Gisele Marasca-Vargas; 02/2016

References:
Coloring For Stress
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/13/coloring-for-stress_n_5975832.html

Why Adult Coloring Books Are Good For You
http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/06/health/adult-coloring-books-popularity-mental-health/index.html

Coloring Therapy
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/holistic/coloring_therapy

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."
                                                             --- Aldous Huxley

I'm all for making lists and writing affirmations about the kind of relationship we desire and the kind of person we want to have it with. However, the truth is that the best way to improve our relationships is to start by improving ourselves. It's the good old Law of Attraction at play: That which is like unto itself is drawn; or, simply put, like attracts like. As we get into alignment with our true selves, we attract others who are in a similar process; current relationships improve, or end to create space for more satisfying and fulfilling connections.

     So, if you were to ask me to help you understand why you seem to be stuck in negative relationship patterns, and what you can do about it:

• I would suggest that we start by identifying limiting core beliefs that might be preventing you from having satisfying relationships (such as the belief that you're not deserving of being loved).
• Together we would seek awareness of common fears that might be holding you back (being hurt again, not being good enough, etc), and then work towards overcoming them.
• We would also work on resolving, removing, releasing known and unknown blocks and barriers from your path.
• As part of the process, we would also work towards empowerment and self-management.
• As you reclaim your true self, you'd start having more clarity by reconnecting with your own inner guidance.

 
    This powerful process of reconnecting with your best self can also help improve your relationships with friends, family members, co-workers. Whether you go through it by yourself or with a partner, the benefits are priceless.

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Weight loss/management is big business in the U.S. There are literally thousands of products and services out there that promise to help you take your pounds off and keep them off. Many are classified as unhealthy and even potentially harmful; others are recommended by doctors and specialists. The problem with most existing methods is that they do not address the issues behind the overeating and other bad eating habits that caused the extra weight. They usually work only on the conscious mind level, often ignoring subconscious causes. Therefore, even when people are able to lose weight, they often fall back into old habits and gain it all over again. So it’s well worth keeping in mind that “it’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you” (Dr. Janet Greeson).

The advantage of Hypnotherapy is that it can tap into the subconscious and reprogram unwanted behavior via suggestions. In addition to performing hypnosis sessions to help make your process of losing and managing weight a lot easier, a hypnotherapist can also help the client determine the causes behind the issue and create a customized program to facilitate breaking old patterns and unhealthy habits. Hypnotherapy also works very well as a complement to other weight loss and management programs.

In short, hypnotherapy is a safe, natural and non-invasive way to guide you through a healthy lifestyle shift that will help you master your body while still being able to enjoy what you eat. No diets that leave you hungry, no pills that might make you sick, no constant feeling of deprivation... For these reasons, more and more people are seeking hypnotherapy as a safe therapeutic option.

Out-of-control stress is the number one underlying factor to the onset of disease in the body. Aside from the emotional toll stress takes, it also affects our health, says Diane Robinson, PhD, of UF Health Center. Stress is not always bad; some of it is necessary to help us achieve our goals. But long term stress can, among other things, affect our immune system, compromise the digestive system, lead to depression and result in the general deterioration of health.
At this day and age, most of us are aware of the potentially damaging effects of chronic stress. We also know there are many things we can do to prevent, reduce and cope with stress, such as proper diet, exercise, rest and play time; practicing meditation and relaxation techniques such as yoga and breath work; etc. So why is it that most people don't practice stress management on a consistent basis, or at all?

One of the reasons is that, in our fast paced society, many of us learn to carry stress as a badge of honor, showing to the world (and ourselves) how productive and needed we are. On a physical level, we can also become addicted to the cortisol and adrenaline that get released into our system when we are in "fight or flight" mode. However, not only does the continuous release of these hormones wreak havoc in our bodies, it gets us hooked and looking for more. "Like a drug addict, you need a bigger fix all the time," says Debbie Mandel, a stress management specialist and author of Addicted to Stress.

In addition, the way we perceive and handle time can have a lot to do with how much stress we feel in our lives. According to Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, we need to make the switch from our Newtonian perception of time (which says that there's only a finite amount of time) to Einstein Time (in which time is relative, so we need to take charge of the amount of time we have and realize we are where time comes from). From that perspective, we can then figure out areas in our lives that we are trying to disown and take full ownership of it (in other words, become aware of the fact that our life circumstances stem from ourselves, and we can change them). According to Hendricks, "stress and conflict are caused by resisting acceptance and ownership," and the stress will disappear once we are able to accept and claim ownership of it.

Whichever the causes behind stress, hypnotherapy can be a valuable tool for stress management. Through hypnotherapy we can tap into the subconscious and reprogram unwanted behavior via suggestions. In addition to performing hypnosis sessions for stress reduction, a hypnotherapist can also help the client determine the core issues behind the stress, as well as help break unhealthy habits and patterns. For these reasons, more and more people are seeking hypnotherapy as a safe, noninvasive therapeutic option.